Liar, Liar (The Castaways 1965)
by Your Ribald Raconteur
I don't know about you but I absolutely hated to write book reports. Of course from about the 3rd grade on all the teachers thought it was the best way to gauge if 1) we had read the book and 2) could regurgitate what we had read. I wrote so many book reports over the years that I developed a method of going to sleep while I wrote them.
Then of course there was always that one special teacher who you wanted to impress with your ability to read and write. I found her my Junior year and took three or four classes from her over the last two years at Narbonne . She became my muse. I know most of the guys in the class were in lust with another English teacher, who I won't name out of the kindness of my heart, but I was head over heels in "Teacher-Love" with Mrs. Allen..
Mrs. Allen could assign me the back of the Cheerios box to read and report on and I would gladly do the work. She could have me write trial Subject A essays for days and I would struggle thru them...where were spell check and grammar check back then?. I would look forward to her classes down in N Bldg (?) everyday and my final semester I had both Senior Comp and Creative Writing with her. That probably caused the fatal error..
I am not sure which of the two classes required the dreaded book reports but by this time as a Senior A I had had enough. I don't remember how many we had to do but I do know I turned them all in the last day they were due. And they ALL should have been for the Creative Writing class. I had not read one of the books. Between Cliff notes and liner notes in the books and just some plain old B.S. I was able to write a page or two about each book..
The fatal day of my "love affair" approached...Mrs. Allen was handing back all the papers she had graded all weekend when it happened. She handed my five or six book reports back with all A's and B's on them. As I thought she walked away I turned to Wendy, who was a row behind me, and said..."Wow, just think what I would of got if I had actually read the books." You know that look on someone's face when they know you have just done something totally stupid? Well I saw that look on Wendy's face and at that second I knew. Mrs. Allen was standing right behind me listening to every word that had just come out of my mouth. I froze in fear and embarrassment. I stuttered. I choked. I turned beet red. Barry Gonzalez turned and thought I needed the Heimlich maneuver. Mrs. Allen turned away and quietly said, "Bob I am so disappointed." I was devastated. I was so far down I would have to dig up to go down. About that time the bell rang and I headed off to track practice and tried to recover. I never did..
To this day I have never recovered. If someone asks me my most embarrassing moment in life...This is the story I tell them...Well there is one other that involves a hot day, a bikini and too much wine on my part but that's for another time. .
I don't think I ever really apologized to Mrs. Allen, I know that she left Narbonne that year and I don't know if she ever came to any of the reunions or anything, BUT if anyone knows how to get in touch with her...Tell her I am sorry and tell her I have read each and everyone one of those books in some cases more than once. And I will never forget her and her soft gentle ways of teaching..
BTW...I did pass the Subject A at UCSB the next year and I think the Creative Writing class has paid off over the years, so even if I didn't really read all those books that semester, I did learn a lot from her...and she will always be my favorite female teacher of all time..
Next time Sonny and Cher and the inconsistencies of the Green and Gold articles.
Having re-read what I wrote I was thinking it would be fun if we started an unofficial, unscientific poll and each of you would respond with either/or your favorite teacher and why...or ...your most embarassing HS moment ( or someone else's if you want to re-embarass a friend or two.) Also if you have any ideas for future subjects to write about be sure and let me know.
Here is my "embarrassing Moment in HS" story: it was that Highlight of our Senior Year, the SENIOR PROM and I took another classmate of my S'66 class who 2 years later, I married. Back then I thought I was a pretty 'straight' guy, never caused trouble and never got into trouble at school. Well, my date and I and another couple from our class doubled that night and had plans to go to the Reef Restaurant in Long Beach afterward. An hour or two into the dance, I was "confronted" (surrounded?) by three or four of the Chaperones there and, shall I say 'hustled' off to the side and thoroughly FRISKED from top to bottom and was being accused (rather gruffly) of having brought in Alcohol on the premisis. NO WAY !!- I did know better than to do that stupid sort of thing. Much to their consternation, they found no evidence- flask or otherwise. I was mad!, Embarrassed to the Inth degree (beet red). I was mad enough to have said some VERY unkind epithets to those who confronted me but so as not ruin the night, I just kind of "bit my tongue" and went on with the evening amidst a lot of finger pointing and snickering. The rest of the night went on as planned and ended up being one to remember -- to this day I have no idea what (friend? or classmate??) set me up for that little prank, something I shall always remember. If you're out there and reading this, how about coming forward now 44 years later and "Fessing Up" ?
